Sunday, February 03, 2008
Haven't posted here in years and years, but it's the only blog I have with some privacy. And at this moment I'd like to put down some thoughts...without worrying about grammar or anyone else looking at it.
Right now...I'm sitting alone in my bedroom at 145 N El Camino apartment while Robert and his bro are outside playing Smash. This happens pretty often, but I don't want to be someone who demands that he spend time with me 24/7...Even though his friends already consider me as such. "although i seriously think ull be doing stuff for Xi haha. im 2nd tier -_-", said James to Rob on IM today. SSBB will be out in a month, so I'll be alone like this a lot more often. He's about to quit his job at FactSet, so he'll be busy transitioning as well.
Next time I am choosing someone who plays no games, period. Truthfully, I am scared. There are brief times when I am deeply dissatisfied with where I'd arrived at in life. But I am trapped. My new job is very unsatisfying but I don't think I can find anything better. I can't leave him even if I wanted because he's all I have. I pretty much have no friends and only spend time with him and his friends (who don't like me very much). My life is already deeply intertwined with his...how will I ever pull out? I really don't think I can ever find anyone better who will love me as much anyway. (David? Jimmy? Hahaha.) But, you know, it's only been 6 months, and forever is a long time. I've been overlooking the flaws but they are there. His stubbornness. His obstinate ways. His quickness to dismiss people as stupid or unworthy. His immaturity even though he is 5 years older. How mean he can be to me. Am I always to be stuck with someone who will make fun of me? It must be my fault.
I am scared because this is what I chose so that I can be happy, but I am finding myself unhappy more and more often. I see my life now, and I wonder if it will be like this until I am much older.....and how I can even change it. Luckily I didn't wait 2 years to find this out, right? Haha. Well, be thankful for what you have.....someone to love who loves you nearly unconditionally. Not everyone can find that this early in life. This is the best place you will ever find yourself in. Be thankful.
Listening to: "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift
Right now...I'm sitting alone in my bedroom at 145 N El Camino apartment while Robert and his bro are outside playing Smash. This happens pretty often, but I don't want to be someone who demands that he spend time with me 24/7...Even though his friends already consider me as such. "although i seriously think ull be doing stuff for Xi haha. im 2nd tier -_-", said James to Rob on IM today. SSBB will be out in a month, so I'll be alone like this a lot more often. He's about to quit his job at FactSet, so he'll be busy transitioning as well.
Next time I am choosing someone who plays no games, period. Truthfully, I am scared. There are brief times when I am deeply dissatisfied with where I'd arrived at in life. But I am trapped. My new job is very unsatisfying but I don't think I can find anything better. I can't leave him even if I wanted because he's all I have. I pretty much have no friends and only spend time with him and his friends (who don't like me very much). My life is already deeply intertwined with his...how will I ever pull out? I really don't think I can ever find anyone better who will love me as much anyway. (David? Jimmy? Hahaha.) But, you know, it's only been 6 months, and forever is a long time. I've been overlooking the flaws but they are there. His stubbornness. His obstinate ways. His quickness to dismiss people as stupid or unworthy. His immaturity even though he is 5 years older. How mean he can be to me. Am I always to be stuck with someone who will make fun of me? It must be my fault.
I am scared because this is what I chose so that I can be happy, but I am finding myself unhappy more and more often. I see my life now, and I wonder if it will be like this until I am much older.....and how I can even change it. Luckily I didn't wait 2 years to find this out, right? Haha. Well, be thankful for what you have.....someone to love who loves you nearly unconditionally. Not everyone can find that this early in life. This is the best place you will ever find yourself in. Be thankful.
Listening to: "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift
